A word about John Fawcett

A good man and a true minister of God has entered heaven recently. John Fawcett's music ministry is one of the reasons I am able to serve the Lord today. I attended 9 Pastoral Care Ministry schools and the first 7 were greatly blessed by his worship leading. It would be amazing - the teaching would open up my mind to the Truth of God in untold ways, but it was the music that led me to receive and trust the Holy Spirit and His work, like never before. John would choose songs with lyrics that were completely in line with how the Spirit was moving. Being so new to personally collaborating so deeply in and with the Spirit, I was rather fearful of the whole experience, at first. But the music gave me strength and the assurance that, in the depths of my soul, complete and total surrender to Jesus Christ was exactly what I was born to do. I remember waking up to those songs playing in my spirit weeks later - they truly had a profound and eternal effect on me. I am deeply grateful for his humble obedience and service in leading me so effectively into the wonderful presence of God. His dear family and friends are in my prayers.

mercy and intimacy

i have an old friend who is moving to another state. she's someone i've known and been really good friends with since 1985, or so. i will miss her and her family deeply. it's a mercy gift that i have several friends that i've been blessed to know for that long. that's one of the reasons i came to live here in a community setting, 1000 miles from my home state. i grew up in an alcoholic home, moved and changed schools so many times that i went through my early twenties feeling like i'd been completely gutted-out emotionally. i was dying inside, losing my grip mentally, and desperate for relational and spiritual intimacy. i told myself that i had to go someplace where people wouldn't keep leaving. if they stayed in the same place long enough, and i stayed too - they would have to get to know me. i would be found out, whether i liked it or not. and since they were christians, they'd have to forgive me, love and accept me... it hurts to have one of those dear friends move on but, ultimately, each one has always pointed me to the One that is so intimate in His love that, at times, it can even be uncomfortable - as in my favorite Psalm: 139. but i'll trade that horrible, gutted-out sensation for a sometimes uncomfortable, intimate relationship with my Maker, any day.

“sleep is God's celestial nurse who croons away our consciousness, and God deals with the unconsciousness life of the soul in places where only He and His angels have charge. as you retire to rest, give your soul and God a time together, and commit your life to God with a conscious peace for the hours of sleep, and deep and profound developments will go on in spirit, soul and body by the kind, creating hand of our God.” oswald chambers

great words for me... the menopausal midnight-rider ~

having missed out on a human father/daughter bond i treasure images like this one. i'd read that this was a picture of joseph with Jesus but i really think it's simeon because he's rather aged. either way, whenever i encounter a loving, paternal male, it makes my experience with the Lord all the more primal. i watch my boys with their dad and how they'd be quite lost if something were to happen to him, especially now. they're teenagers - evolving into men. the father's voice is a vehicle of deep affirmation, blessing and protection. The Creator's voice is life itself: "when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body." ps. 139

it's strange for me to not waver in my faith - but to feel as though the floor is dropping out from under me at times. must be menopause, just that steady, uneasy sense that something's off kilter. someone told me once that i have a charism of faith - a gift from the Lord. i don't know what i'd do without Him, my closest friend and my God, my Father. the Holy Spirit's comfort is the only thing i can count on. i feel like Peter when he said (paraphrase mine) "where would i go, Lord? no one knows what You know, no one loves me like You do, and no one can pull me up from the depths, but You." they say this "hormonal fog" lifts, eventually... meanwhile, i'm wading through - one day at a time.

mary - what amazes me about her is that when the angel appears to her, she utterly trusts him and his message. she wasn't overcome with astonishment, she didn't freak-out. the scriptures suggest that she gracefully and deliberately surrendered to that which was completely other-worldly, and yet she knew this visitation was rooted in true reality.

she must've been living in that spiritual reality all along and one day, there was this incredible meeting of nature and super-nature. her response is beautiful - "be it done unto me according to thy will." what i wouldn't give for that kind of faith and trust in the one true God.